Walking through the lobby of the hotel my eye quickly caught the apple crate display that had signs pointing to my University of learning for the next three days.
My expectations had been set high for the wealth of knowledge I would gain from this conference.
I anticipated the workshops I signed up for hoping to pen the “aha” moments that would eventually land on the pages of a blog or a book. I saw this conference as my Home Depot where I could shop for all the tools I needed to make me a successful writer.
I looked forward to our writer’s critique group. I wanted some constructive feedback that would help me in this journey, but I also secretly hoped I would receive words of affirmation that my writing was more than I gave credit to.
There were indeed many “aha” moments that I penned in my notebook. I did receive countless tools that I have neatly placed in my tool box. I did in fact receive some constructive feedback on my writing along with words of affirmation.
I suppose I could end right here and say that this conference was a huge success and I gleaned from this everything I hoped for.
But, that would not be the full story behind She Speaks for me.
As I listened to the various stories of God’s calling on these women’s lives, I realized this conference had nothing to do with how-to’s and everything to do with my heart.
I have come to an understanding that a divided heart is not easily recognized, pride can be disguised as humility and my flesh can rear her ugly head when least expected.
God spoke long before She Speaks.
He reminded me that I am a tool in His hand. He lays upon my heart His message of hope to share with others. It is all about Him, not about me. This message is not new. I know I am privileged to be chosen by Him to participate in His great love story. While my heart’s desire is for God to be glorified through His calling on my life, my flesh can make herself an unwanted guest in my heart.
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
Proverbs 28:26 The one who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but the one who walks in wisdom will escape.
Obadiah 1:3 The pride of your heart has deceived you...
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
God’s Word is full of Truth about our heart and our pride. If I do not keep my heart in check, my intentions can transition very quickly to being all about God to all about me.
Throughout the weekend and into the week following I asked myself “Why are you doing this?”
God reminded me, first He called me to write therefore I need to be obedient. Second, He called me to write therefore I need to allow Him to use me in order to glorify Him.
Two memorable moments of God’s message was the day Lysa had her family on stage and Whitney’s reminder that we are called to ministry not ME-nistry.
Prayer is so very powerful and Lysa’s husband said he prayed for her daily. What I loved most was not THAT he prayed for her but WHAT he prayed for her. “Lord, keep her humble.”
That night I retold this story to my husband with tears rolling down my cheeks and a quiver in my voice.
This has been my prayer since being called into ministry. Lord, keep me humble.
The next day I received this beautiful text from him, “I pray for humility for you so they will know the Marsha I do.”
I want to be honest and transparent because that is how God’s story is told. Transparency leaves us vulnerable. It can humble us and at times humiliate us. But God lifts up the humble, not for our glory but for His.
I believe God has strategically placed some key items in my path that will be reminders to stay humble. This blog is one item that I must humbly surrender to God.
I started with the intention of using this blog as my “writing space”. There was no intention of a following, just a place to write. I prayed if anyone did read it they would be encouraged by it.
Learning the “necessity” of a platform opened the door for Flesh to waltz in to a place where she was not invited.
My heart said “Your message Lord” while my flesh said “how many people are reading it.”
I found myself caught between my feeble flesh and my servant’s spirit.
Lord, keep me humble.
I remind myself daily, His blog is not about a platform for publication but a canvas for His message to be painted through words by the simple tool He holds in His hand.
Whenever you feel caught between your feeble flesh and your servant’s spirit I pray you will recognize the pride that has entered your sacred space and demand it leaves.
Your calling is a divine calling, equipped only by God. Allow yourself to be submerged fully by His Spirit to guide you in His calling so you can be the tool that brings glory and honor to Him.
Lord, keep us humble. You have called each one of us to something divine. You have chosen us to be part of Your love story. May we boldly go out and share that story in whatever way you have equipped us individually. May our hearts not be divided. May our flesh be overcome by Your Spirit. May we always remember it is all about YOU!